The Shape of My Heart
by iuset
Summary: The frustrating relationship between Emma and Neal; their feelings for each other, how they deny it and how they get together. Set after episode 14 and 15 when they leave Manhattan and Emma finds out about Neal's fiancée; jealousy from both sides, hint of lemon,love, drama and angst
1. Chapter 1

The Shape of My Heart

The frustrating relationship between Emma and Neal; their feelings for each other, how they deny it and how they get together. Set after episode 14 and 15 when they leave Manhattan and Emma finds out about Neal's fiancée; jealousy from both sides, hint of lemon and angst. Bad at summaries so please give it a try!

Hi There! First time I have ever done a Once Upon A Time fic so please be kind, different front the Hunger Games that I usually go for. Interested in the relationship between Neal and Emma, the hurt and anguish between them and the unresolved issues. I know the beginning of this story is a bit confusing as it starts off with Hook and Emma so many people will think it's a Hook/Emma fic however it's not, it is DEFINITELY Neal and Emma, Hook is just one of the many pivotal characters that are involved in this story. Please give it a go, again first time I am doing OUAT fic so I hope you enjoy and please review

Rated M for adult content

I sit in the diner, we're back in Storybrooke now, its night and the air is cool with a hint of salt coming from the harbour. It had been a rough week, finding Neal or should I say Bae! After all these years, the pain is still fresh as if it was yesterday not to mention he has a fiancée now, Henry was angry with me and still resents the fact that I hid from him the truth about his father, Cora was dead and Regina was now on the warpath and Rumple had nearly died. I swig back the whisky and take a look around, the diner is nearly empty as it hits 10:13 at night, Ruby is packing up and cleaning the counter, I sit back relaxing wondering how many I've had and maybe I should sleep it off at the station tonight, I don't need Mary Margaret giving me a lecture on my behaviour if she's seen that I've come home drunk tonight. Ruby comes walking over to me, her hair down in curls as she wears tight black pants and a red kitted jumper that hangs slightly off the shoulder.

"One more before I hit the road Ruby?"

"I think you've had enough there Emma, come on what do you say, I'll take you home?"

I hear behind me without even looking the bell to the door chiming indicating someone has just entered. Ruby without turning around addresses the customer

"Sorry we're closed"

"Oh come on love, not even for a gentleman?"

I turn around to see the colourful Hook coming in leather clad, he has appeared to have recuperated well from his injury and not in the slightest weakened from it.

Ruby turns around and is already growling

"I don't have to ask to know who you are…Hook?" she indicates to his hand "Now get lost before you'll lose another hand and have two hooks instead on one" Ruby starts growling

"Relax lass, where are my manners, though you know my name, we have not been formerly introduced, I am Killian Jones, or as you might like to know me as, Hook and I can call you?" He bows to Ruby with that mischievous smile that I can't help but smile at, it is reminiscent of the one Neal gave me when we first met in the car I stole from him. My smile does not go unnoticed as Ruby saunters away leaving myself and Hook alone.

"Well at least my charm has not gone somewhat unnoticed. And what are doing here love?" He sits across from me and winks. I sigh, I don't feel like a duel between words especially with Hook right now, I can't even form a proper sentence let alone put two words together.

"Listen Hook"

"I'm pretty sure there's a Captain in there and besides what kind of gentleman would I be leaving a lady to drink by herself?" he says with his smile gleaming at me.

"2 drinks over here barmaid" he calls to Ruby, whose look of horror is quickly replaced as I hear the snarl escape from her mouth.

I feel warmth spread over me and I don't know if it is from the whisky or from him, I feel the creep of the smile making a return again

"Listen Hook, there's no point sitting with me right now, I'm in no mood to entertain and besides"

My sentence is cut off as he interrupts me.

"Perfect, for I am in the mood to entertain and besides Emma, drinking alone is just sad, but drinking together is even better" He says leaning closer into me, I'm about to rebut him when I hear Ruby's footsteps come over.

"I think it's best if you go home now Emma, you do have to get up early remember?" she looks at me expanding her eyes, a silent message between us as she doesn't like having Hook near me.

"That's ok Rubes, I'm on my way" I give her a hug goodbye and make my way for the door leaving the cozy warmth of the diner. As I leave entering the biting chill of the air outside I hear the voice behind me.

"Just because it's ended here love doesn't mean that the night has to end?"

Either from the effects of the whisky or the fact I feel so low, I don't know what makes me turn around to respond, but for a moment I feel like I can't control my thoughts or movements. He stands at the diner, staring into me as I feel the slight drizzle of rain. Ruby comes out of the diner following Hook "Emma, if you just wait I can take you home" she looks between Hook and I with concern on her face.

"Nonsense there Lassie, a gentleman would never let a woman go unescorted, don't worry there, I'll make sure she gets home safe and be right there to tuck her into bed"

"Emma" Ruby calls out, again for some reason I don't know if the whisky or my hazy state of mind but I agree

"It's ok Rubes, I doubt he can get very far" I turn around to walk home, I remember I have to walk as Neal has my car keys to take Henry out. Neal. The root of my troubles, the one whose caused me to drown my sorrows in a bottle of whisky, perfect Neal who made the PERFECT life while I sat in a jail that he put me in and had to crawl out of and make myself better. NEAL!

"You know I have a lovely bottle of Rum upon the Jolly Roger with your name on it…"

I cut him off turning around "I swear Hook, one more word from you and I'll tie you up to your very own mast naked "I say pointing my finger to him.

He smiles to me closing the distance between us "Now all I heard lass were 'tied up' and 'naked', I don't know about you but that sounds like a very tempting offer".

I cry in frustration and turn around walking away from him

"Now beautiful that's not the type of cry I wanted to hear tonight but I'll take whatever comes" I hear him walking behind me.

"You're incorrigible" I reply

"And you're cute when you're drunk" I continue walking till I'm at our house. Mary Margaret might be home with David however they could be on their "date night" seeing as how little time they've had together recently. I stop outside my door fumbling around to get my keys

"But seriously love, how bad would I be huh? I'd say you've done ALOT worse than me, and you and I aren't all that different"

I turn to look at him, aghast that he could even put me in the same category as him "what makes you think you and I have anything in common?"

He closes the distance between us resting his hook on the door next to my face "Because I can see it in your eyes love, the regret, the anger, the loneliness, the ache from when someone breaks your heart and you have to live with it every day. Why else would you be sitting in a diner late at night drinking whisky by yourself? 2 people drinking together, now there's a party, 1 person drinking by themselves, now that's just sad" I don't have an answer for him as I know deep down it's the truth, the truth of how I feel about Neal; the hurt, the regret, the anger, the fiancée.

"I've seen it before, I've felt it before every day when I looked in my mirror, only someone who has gone through it can recognize it" He speaks, huskily in my face, eyes boring into my soul as if he could not only read my mind but my feelings.

"When you lost Milah" I softly respond

He looks at me more seriously now "When I lost Milah" his eyes show that gleam of sadness as he remembers how he had loved and lost.

"No amount of drinking is gonna help you get back with Neal, and who can you talk about loss to? Who else knows what it feels like? Well apart from Regina but then again I hardly feel like she wants to invite you over for a cup of tea and a bit of girl chat" he smiles

"And your mum Mary Margaret? What does she know about loss? Yeah she lost Charming for how long but they always find each other again, even Rumple has his _Belle" _the way he pronounces Belle at the end has the hint of malice in it as his disgust reveals that even his sworn enemy has a loved one.

"Truth is deary, the only person who knows what it is like to love and to lose someone, to feel what it's like to have their heart broken is standing right in front of you, whether you like to believe or not, the question is, what do you intend to do about it?

I look into his eyes, not knowing what to say or do

"Come on Emma, why fight it, just give in, let it go I can take it. I'd know if I was Neal though, I'd definitely pick you" He closes the distance to the point where I can see the irises of his eyes and before I know it I'm letting go my anger, my hurt, my bitterness and my loneliness, and as Hook said, I'm pouring it to him, I'm letting go and I can feel him reciprocating, it's like my soul has just floated out of my body and is watching above screaming "what are you doing? This is so wrong!" But I don't care. We're quickly prying at each other as we scatter inside, I quickly look around to see if Mary Margaret and David are here, thank God, they're not, I notice the note on the table:

"_Dear Emma_

_Me and David will be at Granny's B' n'B tonight, our date night; you have the house to yourself so we'll be out of your hair_

_Enjoy your evening_

_Love_

_Mary Margaret and David"_

I read the note over while Hook is kissing my neck. Before I know it, Hook is removing his hook so as to not scratch me, at least which is chivalrous, before I know it we're collapsing on my bed and the night and Hook take me away.

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP _

I slam the snooze button on my alarm clock, OH MY GOD! The pounding in my head, I feel so hot and sweaty and yuck! Oh I feel like crap! I shut my eyes from the sun that is blinding, my head, my head, my head! The birds are chirping and its 9:05am. I stretch my body out and spread my arms before I hit something next to me. I look to my right when I feel shock and surprise hit me. OMG.

Hook is sound asleep next to me. in bed. Naked. Oh My God!

I look down at myself and under my sheets and yep, there I am, naked too. Oh My God, I shut my eyes feeling shame and regret wash over me, I look down at him as he lies on his stomach, the faint pink scars reminders on his body, he lies in a peaceful slumber as I look at his body. Flashes of last night dance across my mind, though I do feel shame and regret there is a small part that doesn't as I did enjoy it. I quickly get out of bed and hop into the shower feeling the hot water wash over me and wash away the stench of alcohol and dirt. After everything that has happened in the past between us with the whole Rumple, Belle, Cora and Regina, I can't believe I had let my guard down but God did it feel good. I used him to fill the hole that was in my heart, the ache and hole that Neal had left, it hurt. Though I used him it was only temporarily, it doesn't fill the hole for long, I get out of the shower wiping the steam off the mirrors, I wrap myself in my comfy robe, my body feels a bit better as it doesn't feel as grimy as it did before, once I get some breakfast in me and coffee I'll be on my way to feeling better. I enter my bedroom and tiptoe past Hook who still lies asleep, a slight snore comes from him as his hook resides on the bedside table, I'm watching him as I pick some clothes from my wardrobe before I hear a knock on the door.

Knock, knock, knock

I panic, I feel my heart thumping in my chest like a jackhammer and feel the panic rise in my throat as the lump sits there, butterflies are in my stomach and the nerves take my hands. Please don't be Mary Margaret, please don't be Mary Margaret, Oh God how embarrassing to have your mum walk in on you and the arch nemesis. I look back towards Hook to see him slightly stir but continue sleeping, I quickly answer the door, opening wide expecting to see my mother however I am in shock when it's not my mother but someone I did not expect to see this morning: Neal

He's dressed in a three quarter grey jacket with a pair of jeans and a thick grey scarf, a casual but good look, he has a little stubble on his face that looks sexy, not shabby, I feel butterflies but good ones, excitement and a happiness before I'm brought down back to earth realising the situation.

"Hey" I respond

"Hey, sorry um I just wanted to swing by, me and Henry are at Granny's diner having breakfast and we thought maybe you'd like to join us? Maybe have some pancakes? coffee? Pretend to be a normal family?" he chuckles looking at me with a smile. I nervously chuckle but not for the reasons he thinks.

"Um yeah sure, how bout I meet you in half an hour, let me get dressed"

"Yeah sure thing, we'll meet you there" he turns to leave and for a minute I breathe a sigh of relief

"Oh wait there, Henry forgot his jacket last night and he only as a light jumper, I'll just grab his jacket and go" He's entering my apartment and it's like I'm watching a train wreck in slow motion.

"Wait, Neal!"

Before I can stop it, I'm witnessing the mortifying events unfold before my eyes, like an audience member watching a bad play that is forced to watch it, I can't move as Hook comes out of my bedroom with nothing but a sheet wrapped around his waist.

"Well morning beautiful" He looks between me and Neal, Neal stares shocked at the appearance before him, he stares at Hook and then at me.

"Neal I can explain" I state to Neal, afraid to look at his eyes, afraid to see the look of disgust on his face at me.

"Explain to me what the hell Hook is doing here in nothing but a sheet Emma?" I can hear the hostility in his voice and feel the judgment he is passing me.

"Oh don't worry I took care of your bonnie lass last night, someone had to make sure she got home safe and ever the gentleman I am, I made sure she got tucked in" he pronounces the last two words with much enjoyment to my utter humiliation, I look up at Neal again who is staring at me and Hook before taking Henry's jacket and walking out the door, the last thing I hear is the slamming of the door and the footsteps of Neal growing fainter and fainter as I wonder, have I lost him for good this time?

Well that's my first chapter; I do hope you liked it. I know it was probably a bit confusing at first with Emma and Hook however as I said above this is DEFINITELY a Neal and Emma fic, this story is going over the unresolved issues they have for one another, it's different this time as Henry is involved and then there's Gold, they have a lot of issues to address, the Hook/Emma hook up was us seeing the jealous side to Neal which proves he still has feelings for Emma. Please read and review, again I hope you like it as I do like the Neal and Emma plot line, please read and review as it always make me smile!:-)


	2. Chapter 2

Hi Guys! I'm sooooo sorry for the delay in the next chapter! I have been busy with my other story and with uni! So I do apologise but better late than never! Here is the next chapter I have written so far, I do hope to get more reviews on this story and I do hope you like it, Once Upon A Time is absolutely one of my favourite TV shows, I love the magic, the fantasy and the great characters, I especially LOVE the Neal/Emma conflict and find it interesting. What I'm trying to delve into is the rocky relationship and the journey to get them back together, to get that trust back as they do belong together, call me a sucker for true love eh? Again I do hope you enjoy this chapter, please review, I sometimes like to add songs to my story so you can get the feeling and mood, the song I picked which I thought was perfect was Pink's "Just Give Me A Reason". Again enjoy

I DO NOT own the rights to OUAT

Rated M for mature content and language.

I feel sick, I feel the wave of shame and anger wash over me, anger at Neal for walking in when I tried to steer him off, anger at Hook for coming out and taunting but at the end I know deep down the anger is towards myself, anger that Neal walked in on me and Hook in my apartment. I feel the shame, guilt and anger hit my stomach all at once and I feel sick, like I might vomit. I stare at myself and then slowly turn around to look at Hook, he smiles at me as if nothing has transpired.

"So love, ready for round 3?" Hook looks at me cheekily smiling, really! Does he really think that after what just happened that I'm gonna do him again?!

I glare at him not blinking, just holding my stare, I grit through my teeth in response "Put your clothes on and get out of here Hook, or I might take that other hand of yours" he smirks and turns away making his way to the bedroom. I shake my head, I look at the hamper on the table full of clean clothes and quickly put some clothes, I need to get to the diner to meet Henry and Neal, I quickly put on my a green sweater and my pair of jeans, I stumble as I rush hopping on one leg as I attempt to get the other leg in my jeans, I grab my jacket and throw it on me as I look up I see Hook coming out of my bedroom with an amused look on his face.

"Get that look off you face" I scold

"Oh darling no matter how much you want to deny it, you and I both know that it's really yourself you're angry at, not me"

"Just get out of here"

He scoffs before leaving and I'm hearing the slamming of the door, I grab my bag and quickly run downstairs making my way to the diner. I'm running and by the time I reach Granny's I'm panting and gasping for air, my lungs ache and I have a pain in my side, I'm gasping for air as I try to contain myself, I don't want to look like a complete wreck when Henry sees me. I look at my reflection in the window combing my fingers through my dishevelled hair before taking a deep breath and entering, I enter the diner and look around for both Neal and Henry and hear the bell chime, I see them talking to each other in a booth, Neal with his back towards me talking to Henry who has a pancakes in front of him and hot chocolate. I make my way over to them as Henry looks up

"Mum! You're here," he smiles at me, a smile that eases the awkwardness between me and Neal, Neal takes a sip of his coffee not even bothering to look up at me, just looking out the window. I sit next to Henry, he idly chats away to his father as I sit there and order a coffee from Ruby, I listen to Henry as he talks about having Gold as a grandfather, and how enthusiastic he is to start a family tree, Neal sits there and laughs and chats with him completely ignoring me as if I'm not there, I feel the sadness grow in my chest and I'm fighting back the tears as he blatantly ignores me and doesn't even attempt to strike conversation. I fight back the urge to cry and smile

"Well you know it's almost time so we better get you off" I smile at him to which I scoot over to let him get out of the booth, Neal gets up and we all leave the diner, I see my father waiting outside, he agrees to take Henry to the library and ask Belle how to set up a proper family tree. I kiss him goodbye as my father watches me and Neal and begins to walk with Henry down the street. I stand there awkwardly with Neal; I wrap my jacket tightly around me feeling the cool air bite at me.

"So, you and Hook huh? Really Emma? Do you know the danger you're putting yourself in not to mention OUR son?" His tone starts to sound more acid like, his temper rising as I see he's trying to understand what happened this morning.

"Look what happened last night was a MISTAKE and I know it, it was the first and last time and it won't be happening again!" I justify myself

"This isn't something little Emma, we're talking about a man who slept with MY mother, who just recently stabbed my father, not to mention all the other crap he's done in the past and now the mother of my child goes and sleeps with him, I mean what were you thinking?" He looks at me as if he's trying to comprehend what's going through my mind. As we fight outside on the street I find my thoughts and speech have become unattached and I can't even form a straight sentence, I look down at my feet like a child who has been scolded by their parent, I'm about to apologise for my actions when Neal states something that makes the rage in my heart and soul soar.

"Do you know how this makes me feel Emma, you hiding something like this from me and going behind my back?" I don't even think it registered in his mind what he had said at first and then when the sentence escaped from his mouth he shut his eyes recognizing his stupidity.

"How you feel? You FEEL!? You wanna talk about going behind one person's back and lying, about deceit and betrayal, let's talk about how you left me to take the fall for your crime ok!" At this time the tears are welling in my eyes and I see the flicker of pain and regret etched on his face

"Let's talk how you could so easily leave me to go to jail Neal, I was 18, 18! And I loved you, I loved you! I would have done anything for you and I did, you were my everything and you promised, you promised me that we were going to go to Tallahassee and be together, I was happy and you left me!" at this stage I don't care if anyone hears me as I let the years of repressed anger and hurt spew from my mouth like a hose.

"You left me all alone in jail, I was alone, scared, young and pregnant" He looks up at me as I realise the tears are cascading down my face

"I thought I was doing the right thing Emma I thought I was getting you home away from me!"

"My home was with YOU! With you! And you took it away from me! You robbed me of a life and my heart and years with my son, so don't stand there and judge me and lecture me on my mistakes Neal when you have a lot of learning from yours" I see the pain in his eyes as I turn around and walk off, I see in the corner of my eye Snow or my mother as I should say bearing witness to the whole thing but I don't stop, I don't care, I just walk off to work and to hopefully forget my troubles.

6:00PM

I look at my clock at think I really should get home now, for the past 2 hours I have been making excuses not to go home, I don't want to face my mother and explain, or my dad who no doubt will want to go after Neal with his sword, I don't want Henry to ask as I don't want to destroy the good time he has been having with his father and most importantly I don't want to accidentally bump into Neal if he is there. I pack my stuff and make my way home, ever since this morning my day has been ruined, I can't concentrate, I can't even finish a sentence or thought without stopping to think of Neal. I grab my scarf and rap it tightly around my neck in an attempt to secure me from the cold, if only it was so easy to secure myself from my feelings, to wrap myself from the harsh pain of love.

I feel like there's no one who understands what I am feeling, what I am thinking and what I am going through, the night air is cold and the wind has gotten colder as I walk through the streets. I grow angry at how perfect everyone's life is but mine; Mom has Dad and I know it's selfish to be jealous of them but I envy how much love there is between them, I wish I had the same type of love with Neal again, Ruby is fine, Granny is fine, Henry is fine, Neal is fine with Tamara! Tamara has even moved here, it's like his life has gotten better, that it's all worked out for him, everyone's life is moving forward but I feel like I'm stuck, alone. I continue to walk lost in my thoughts when I look up and realize where I am, I'm at the docks, standing outside Hooks ship, of all places to go why have I aimlessly walked here? I question myself when I am brought out of my inner monologue.

"Well I've dealt with Lost Boys in the past but I've never dealt with a lost girl! I would have thought after this morning's event you would have tried to steer clear of me but then again I do admit, my charm has a habit of leaving you wanting more"

He cheekily smiles at me as he walks down the ship with a bottle of rum in his hand, his white shirt flows on him and I wonder how he doesn't feel the cold, his pants are tight and I scold myself for looking at him, the truth is no matter how angry I am with him what he said last night was right, on some degree he can relate to what I am feeling.

"Something tells me that isn't you're first bottle this evening?" I ask

He smiles "and it certainly won't be the last" he winks at me before taking a swig and I can't help but coyly smile

"However being the gentleman, I am more than happy to share considering you have been so concerned with my alcohol consumption, there's plenty more on the ship and plenty more after that" he stares at me and I don't know if he is talking about the bottle or something else, I look at the ship and see the lights inside and sense it's warm environment, better than out here. I don't know what makes me do it but I'm suddenly pulled into a whirlpool of rum and Captain Hook

Well there you go guys there is the second chapter, I know what some of you might be thinking, is this a Hook and Swan fic but no it is DEFINITELY Neal/Swan, what I am doing is going on a journey, there is a lot of unresolved issues that need to be discussed on either side and we will definitely go into that in later chapters. At the moment the feeling I have in mind for Emma is that while she is strong and independent she is still vulnerable and loves Neal, Neal who was her first true love, father of her child, she's sad and feels vulnerable so she is taking it out on Hook, she's using him but she doesn't see that it's actually doing her more damage, she's just hurt, hurt deeply. Again I hope you enjoy, there will be more and please review, it always makes me smile and have a great weekend!:-)


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